My Pet or My Child?

Once I heard a man speak sweet nothings to his pet cat, promising that Daddy was going to bring her treats from a foreign country and love and affection like that of a favored friend. To a mere casual observer the pet was much spoiled, doted on, and treasured. Truthfully, the black-and-white beauty spent her entire existence in a darkened basement, except for daily feedings administered by a volunteer caretaker rather than her "devoted" Papa. Is this a picture of how we parent our teens? We speak in loving words when we are pleased with our relationship. Then we send them out to live separate lives until we have the promise of pleasures or rewards from a distant land to offer as enticements to their continued devotion. Attachments are short-lived if motivated by reward or punishment. Not being pets, teens realize the inequity of such relationships. How can we get teens to internalize the idea of our affection, rather than merely identify with us? Teens crave consistent afffection, predictable but negotiable boundaries, and heartfelt devotion modeled by quality time spent with the focus on them as individuals. The world conveys a model for parent-teen or leader-teen relationships that is not God's ideal or paradigm. Contrary to public opinion, it is possible to remain close and to communicate calmly during adolescence and beyond! Keep talking right through the years (Acts 2:38-39). Build on common interests, hobbies, or pursuits, or look for new ones! Find time each week to be together (Deut. 11:18-19). Assist your teen in managing emotions of hormones, the stresses of life, the emotional rollercoaster of teen relationships, and organizational traumas. Talk. Talk. Talk. Better yet, listen. Listen. Listen. It's not only possible to stay close in the teen years, it's crucial to your on-going healthy relationship with your burgeoning adult child.